I know, it seems like you shouldn’t need a how-to for drinking on an airplane. Still: this article is amusing and semi-educational for those of us often stuck in the middle seat because we booked a last minute flight and then we got on the plane and realize we forgot any reading material or headphones….not that that’s ever happened to me.

We generally order two bottles of liquor. We won’t necessarily start drinking the booze right away. We might not drink them at all. But we have them. Some people need an inflatable pillow around their necks. Some people need a word search book. Some people need Xanax and Coldplay. We need two tiny bottles of single malt Scotch nestled in the seat-back pocket.

(Or maybe gin. Really, the only time we drink gin and tonics is on an airplane. We’re not sure why. And why don’t airlines stock tequila? Seems strange to us. You can get amaretto on an American Airlines flight, but no tequila. You can get bloody mary mix. You can get cranapple. Rule: In the hierarchy of necessary beverages, tequila beats cranapple. Anyway, thank you Frontier, JetBlue, US Airways, and Virgin, all of which stock passable tequila.)

So, usually we will order the two bottles of Scotch and a cup of ice. (Not “rocks.” Seems odd to call ice “rocks” on a plane.) Sometimes we drink it neat. But if we have the sense that we won’t be getting service again any time soon, we pour the booze over the ice, so it lasts.